When All Else Fails

   These past few weeks have been interesting to say the least. I felt like I was finally getting into a groove with everything. IV changes every morning at 9:45 am, another infusion at 6 pm, daily oral medications with breakfast, another medication every evening with dinner, dressing changes with my in-home nurse every Monday afternoon, blood draws every Wednesday, medication and supply deliveries every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday plus everything that comes with being an adult, a wife, and a mother. It's a lot. Especially when you list everything involved. Then you also add in the monthly doctors appointments, quarterly headache appointments, pediatric appointments for Chloe and you'll completely understand why I have three calendars in my kitchen. Looking back now, it's amazing I haven't forgotten to do anything on my list. One of the extreme benefits of being able to be home.
     It's not so much that things have gotten easier with my health, but more scheduled and my family has been able to adapt. That's the amazing thing about being human. We have the ability to take what life throws at us and either resist the inevitable- or- accept it and try to make the best of the situation. Don't get me wrong there are definitely times I resist, dig in my heels, go boneless, and do everything possible to swim upstream. I would like to hope we all have times like that. Times where we "know" best and want to do it our own way- in our own time- by our own means. Yet, that couldn't be further from the truth. What I have learned in my short 25 years is that life doesn't wait for you to accept what has happened to you before giving you more opportunities to grow. Life doesn't  always wait for you to catch what's been thrown before tossing something else your way. I used to say it couldn't possibly get any worse. I found that the universe was starting to take that as a challenge. ( Kind of like how I stopped praying for more patience because I kept getting opportunities to be more patient which I would fail, then pray for more patience, and the cycle continues. . . ) Now I've started to realize all of these things life throws at you aren't going to let up. I have to catch what I can and possibly start wearing a helmet.
   So... an update. The ringing is still happening and it's gotten slightly harder to hear TJ. Especially when we're talking quieter when Chloe is sleeping. I have another hearing test this month to check if the hearing loss has gotten worse. I don't know if many of you know, but for the last 19 months I have had a headache every day. I can count on one hand how many days I have been headache free. I've been working with a doctor who specializes in headaches, but so far, no breakthrough. I wake up with a headache, go to bed with a headache, and about once a week have a headache that turns into a migraine. My latest hail mary was to try out the "headache piercing" also known as the daith piercing. It comes from the acupressure point that is supposed to target headaches. The hope behind it is that if you pierce the correct point, it acts like a constant acupressure point. My headaches aren't gone, but I think at times they are improved which I'll take. I forget I have the piercings sometimes and of course when you aren't supposed to touch something it always itches, but hopefully they'll continue to improve.
    I started a new medication which is going pretty well. The major side effect is that it darkens skin pigment, so even though I can't go out in the sun ( all the meds I'm on are super sun sensitive) I will look like I have a tan. So, as my pharmacist said, "Finally, a side effect that doesn't suck!" It'll take between 2-4 weeks to take affect and I've been taking it for 2 weeks now so we'll see.
    For the last couple weeks my PICC line has been really sluggish and hard to flush when changing meds. I told my nurse about it and got my doctors to order a PICC flush that is pretty good at clearing stuff out of the line. It is almost 3 months to the day that it was placed. So, my nurse came and did the flush and......nothing. It didn't work. We called my doctor and the news came back that I would need to go get a new PICC line placed in my other arm. My original PICC line had officially failed.  Thankfully my best friend could come up to the hospital with me and watch Chloe since TJ had left town on a business trip today. Now here we are. A brand new PICC line, a sore arm, and 3 months to go until I can switch to all oral medications. I'm doing my best, which isn't always easy, but at least I'm still pushing forward and moving.

Life isn't about finding the easy road or the scenic route. Life is about fighting a battle and coming out on the other side a different person, a better person than the one who started fighting in the first place. And, when all else fails, get a new PICC line. Find a new way, a different route, a better solution, but NEVER STOP TRYING. When you stop trying is when you stop growing and when you stop growing, you get stuck in a rut and a poor me situation where there isn't any hope. If you find yourself in that spot, give me a call or send me a message. I know what it's like to feel helpless, and you don't always need someone to fix things. Sometimes all it takes is a listening ear and an open heart to let you know you aren't alone. Someone cares. Even if all I can say is, "That sucks, I'm sorry you have to endure that." Know I am here. I am willing to listen. I understand you sometimes feel like it's too much for one person to handle. And yes, you may be just one person, but you're never alone. I am here.