My entire life, I have dreamed of being a mom. Teaching got me close to that. Being able to mold tiny humans and help them see their true potential. To teach them to believe in themselves and reach for the stars. When their little arms would wrap around my waist and they would say "I love you Miss Gough" it was one of the best feelings. When I got married, this dream became a whole lot closer to reality. People would ask if I was baby hungry, I don't know if there has been a time I haven't been baby hungry. I started babysitting at the ripe young age of 11 and BAM. . . the waiting game started to one day have a family of my own.
When TJ and I got married, we talked about when we would start a family. We agreed to wait about a year and we both felt good about that. Then the days started to pass. Since I was now retired from teaching, my days are spent taking care of the house, grocery shopping, laundry, and experimenting with recipes. It was all grand, but I felt something was missing. I held out until April and then approached the topic of maybe starting a family sooner than a year. We weren't sure how Cystic Fibrosis would impact this, but decided to have faith. My saint of a husband took some time to ponder this idea and to my ecstatic surprise, he agreed. Now anyone who knows me knows I have the patience of a bomb. I wanted it to happen immediately. I met with my doctors who supported us completely and talked about how pregnancy would impact my medications. Thankfully only one would have to be changed. The nature of CF is that as life goes on, your lung function tends to decline, so, with my lung function being in the 90%ish- this was a good time to start a family.
Me being me, I started to research pregnancy and CF. The results I found did not calm my anxious mind. CF does present some challenges. Because there is mucus basically in every part of my body, becoming pregnant can sometimes take 6 months to 1 year and then times leading to medical intervention. I felt so discouraged. I felt like my life's goal was to be a great mom to a gaggle of children, but now I wasn't so sure. I started realizing that the women I knew with CF and a family usually never had more than 2 children. I took my troubles to TJ who has this incredible way of saying exactly what I need to hear. He said, "It'll happen when it's supposed to. If we have to adopt, we adopt. If we can only have 1, then we have 1. If we can have more, we'll approach it when we get there. We will do whatever is best for your health. And if we never have kids and it's just the two of us, I will still be the happiest guy on Earth." I know, I got so lucky finding him. Of course the days of discouragement still popped up. The what ifs and doubts were there, but I tried to push them aside.
Then came one of the best days of my life. June 9th, I was only one day late, but I was so hopeful. I waited until TJ went to work to take the test because if I was negative I wanted to deal with my disappointment all alone. To my elation, there were 2 little pink lines. I was so extremely happy, but then realized I couldn't tell anyone until TJ got home, 9 hours later!! The universe thought it would be funny to send my father-in-law and my mom over to my house during different times of the day and it took all my self control to keep the news to myself. Telling TJ is a memory I'll always remember. He was so excited!
So here we are, 25 weeks later. I am considered high-risk because since it's such a challenge to gain weight, the baby doesn't always gain the weight they're supposed to. I am also at a higher risk for gestational diabetes since with CF I am already at risk for diabetes. So far baby girl is on track with weight and development. I'll be having ultrasounds to check for growth every few weeks. Since I am so small framed, I started showing quite quickly and when baby girl kicks, she moves my entire stomach. She does not like being poked, but loves skittles. Through the challenges that have come with pregnancy and CF, this little one has helped take my mind off the aches and pains. The strength to endure increases when it's no longer just you you're supporting. I am grateful everyday for the miracle she is and hope to be the type of mom I've dreamed of being.
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