Advocate, Advisor, Problem Solver, Best Teacher EVER

These words are just some of the words I can use to describe my job. And that last one is not a personal opinion. My adorable monsters said that themselves after we used M&Ms in math. It's funny how the appearance of M&Ms makes me amazing and wonderful.

First: Advocate
My little girl who controls nothing in her life, she is gone. Her parent lost custody and she is now moving to a new state. It isn't fair! I have been working so hard to help this child feel safe, welcome, and loved and the whoosh. The rug gets ripped out from under me and my heart is broken. I have no idea what is going to happen to this little girl. I have prayed and prayed that her new teacher is sensitive to her needs, makes her feel loved, and genuinely cares about this child. As I was told she was leaving at the end of the week, my job dropped, my mouth and heart said no! and my brain could not comprehend it. I got a book and wrote her a small message telling her how much I loved being her teacher and how she can accomplish anything if she works hard. I then had all my students sign their names in the front of the book. While trying to accomplish this, we were watching an educational film. I called my first student over and I had to call his name a few times. When he finally came over he says exasperated, "Miss Gough, I didn't do anything!" I had to laugh and whispered, "No, sign the book!" He then got really excited. As whispers went around the room to go sign the book keeping it a secret from the student leaving, the girls in my class started bringing me cards and pictures they had made for this little girl. As Friday came, we cleaned out her desk, presented her with the book, and child after child went up to her and said they would miss her.
I was telling the school counselor about this (who was also heartbroken this little girl was leaving) and she told me how amazing I was. I asked how so and she replied, you made this little girl feel included and loved. She easily could have been ostracized and pushed aside, but through my hard work and dedication, it became more than a class. They became friends. I just hope her next class will look past her outbursts and see the beautiful little girl underneath it all.

Second: Advisor/Problem Solver
Our school is teaching the 7 Habits of Happy Kids. This includes being Proactive. I love it. I love it because when I start to hear the beginnings of tattling and see both hands shoot up in the air, I simple walk over to the students and say are you being proactive? This is usually met with But Miss Gough! I say no, are you being proactive. Then again But they, teacher! And again no, are You being proactive? At this point both students usually sigh and say no. I laugh on the inside and say alright let's work a little harder at that. I feel like it is a great program and the kids are actually using the terminology. It makes my heart smile a little each time.

As a teacher, we get involved, attached, take a personal interest, and sometimes want to take these children home to have them live with someone who loves them. As I leave the doors of the school, I have to physically shake off the day and leave the classroom problems there, inside the classroom. These children's lives can consume you and break your heart.

Why is the world such a hard place?

Who are You Online?

When I heard the words, "We met online" it didn't really phase me. I was happy they had found someone and the internet is a big part of our lives nowadays. I have a family member that is very happy with someone they met online. But even with the good things I have heard, I never really expected one day that I would have a profile on one. Well my cyber folks, the day has come. I am online. It is weird to think about for me. Honestly, growing up, I thought I would graduate, start college, find some Colin Farrell look-a-like and end up happily ever after at 21. Thankfully I grew up and smartened up just a little. As of three days ago, when my picture went up and my greeting was made available for all to see, I have had over 100 views of my page. Not that I am bragging at all by any means.
You have the ability to go and look at who has viewed your profile. I think it is a little weird but that is beside the point. And I am so sorry, but to the 56-year-old man that wants to "chat", it's not going to happen. You are only 4 years younger than my actual father and that makes me throw up in my mouth just slightly. And then you have the more unsavory gentlemen that think they are the best thing since sliced bread. I am so sorry to burst your overinflated balloon, but if you were getting it in the real world, you wouldn't be on the website now would you. Again horrible I know. I have been asked a couple times why I am on the site because I am a cute girl and seem like I have a fun personality. So, it begs the question, why did I join?
I joined because frankly, I do not have an overabundance of opportunities to meet men anymore. My job does not yield any eligible men and since I no longer go to UVU.... my chances have shrunk considerably.
I have a story about a certain unsavory character. This lovely gentlemen started the conversation unconventionally and caught me off guard. I guess my response was less than satisfactory and he responded pretty rudely. I apologized for my sarcasm which obviously did not shine through my words. It then seemed like the conversation was going to take a different direction that would lead to, well, actual conversation. I was wrong. The conversation lacked, fizzled, and drug on like toilet paper on the bottom of your shoe. Realizing I was wasting my time and his (at this point we were NOT going to become friends) I said it has been nice to meet you but I feel the conversation has fizzled. Have a nice day. Well, this was not to the liking of the individual and he said, "What, giving up already?" Me and my witty self said, "I don't do one way streets and if you are into games you should probably find someone actually willing to play." I am not one to mince words and if you are being a tool... I am going to call you out on it. And besides it is the internet. He acted like he was the world's gift to women and I am sorry but that does not sit well with me.
On the bright side I have met some very nice gentlemen who have asked me on dates, but I am soooo not ready. Ha. I still feel so weird about it all and I have been very honest about my hesitancy. These actual gentlemen completely understand and are willing to continue to talk through the sight to get to know each other more. Never in my whole life did I think I would be using the internet to find my eternal companion, but here we are. It is going to be an interesting experience and am sure this will not be the last time I bring it up.

Dating...... it's hard.

Halloween Now Has a Whole New Meaning

So, I have never been a big fan of Halloween. As a kid I rarely dressed up and went trick-or-treating. If I did, it was maybe for an hour and then I would run home. I loved staying home, being in sweats, and passing out candy. It was always a shock to the older kids when this little girl would open the door, give them a look of disgust, and give them the smallest piece of candy in the bucket. The best part of passing out the candy, I always made sure to keep the best candy for myself. I remember one year when we lived in Logan Canyon, my mom bought laffy taffy. Not the little mini ones, but the big, giant ones that were delicious. I could not wait for Halloween night because the only bag those babies were going into was the one I would hide in my room to eat later. It was that magical night that we didn't have one trick-or-treater and I got all the candy I wanted. Even as I got older, Halloween didn't hold the excitement and anticipation that gripped the hearts of so many other kids my age. Dressing up didn't excite me and going to random strangers houses sounded creepy. I love watching a movie in my sweats and being the one to answer the door. As a teacher, my outward attitude towards Halloween has had to change. There is nothing my students get more excited about than Halloween (at least until Christmas is almost here). They can't wait to talk about their costumes and what they're going to do. It was September 30th and we were talking about how tomorrow started October. I got 12 little hands in the air and one little boy said, "So teacher, I need to wear my costume tomorrow right?" No, I said. "But, tomorrow is October." Yes, it is. "And that means it is Halloween!!" It took a 10 minute conversation to get them to understand that tomorrow was October, but NOT Halloween. Also that day, we had an 8 minute conversation about how zombies are not real and mummies are. My kids were convinced it was the other way around and when we read a book about mummies, it started everything.
The wonderful (sarcasm) part of going to school on Halloween is that children and teachers dress up. That is right my amazing friends, I have to dress up. So, yes, it is a cop-out but I am wearing scrubs from one of my previous jobs. Comfortable and easy. My kids asked me what I was going to be and one yelled out, A WITCH! I said Hey! and they all started giggling.

So as you can see, I am still alive. And most importantly, so are all my students. Each day is an adventure with small treasures throughout. I am so grateful to be part of their lives for this season.

TEACH

2 1/2 weeks. This is the amount of time we have been in school already.
132. the amount of hours I have spent planning, preparing, and teaching in these short 2 1/2 weeks. This doesn't count the contract days before school started, the professional development classes, and getting my classroom set up.
I honestly feel that few other professions put in the amount of time as teachers. But, I shall step down off my soapbox.
The one thing they tell you (of many, many things) when preparing you for teaching is that in the first three years of teaching, you will be sicker than you have in your entire life. I have now experienced this. For over a week now, I have had a pounding headache, congestion like none other, very deep cough, and I sound like a hamster. My class gets a lot of amusement of my trying to talk loud and all that comes out is a squeak, but they have been good.
Sometimes I feel like the class is out of control. A few times during these past few weeks, no matter what I do, the kids will NOT pay attention. So, we either go back to the rug and talk about the rules AGAIN, or we put our heads down on our desks to finally hear the sweet sound of silence. Their little voices are adorable! but when hearing, "teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher" 200 times a day, it can be a wonderful thing to have a little bit of quiet. I feel like this is what my students feel like in their lives sometimes. They are 6 and 7. The world is spinning around them. As much as I wish they all have a wonderful supportive family that has nothing better to do than help their child succeed, this is sadly not the case. When I hear the predicaments some of these children face, it literally breaks my heart. There are things no 6 nor 60 year old should have to go through. I feel that each child wants something that THEY can control. If they choose to sit at their desk and keep quiet during rug time every once and a while, I can accept this. As a teacher you have to constantly pick your battles. When my kids have a hard day, it hurts my heart. I just want to hug each of them and let them know they are loved, someone cares about them, and I will do everything in my power to help them succeed. One little child today was having an especially hard day. As they came back from recess, tears filled their glasses and trickled down their puffy cheeks. I was on my knees tying shoes as this child came up and threw their arms around my neck without the slightest hesitation. I lightly patted their back and told them everything would be alright and today was going to be a great day. Knowing my students find comfort from me and knowing they can come to me when they are hurt helped alleviate the pounding in my head somewhat. This child who hugged me controls little in their life. As a teacher you become an advocate for each and every student.

You now lead an army of tiny humans that will one day change the world. You will change lives and influence hundreds. If this is something that sounds exhilarating and what you want to do, one word..

TEACH

I'm Excited, But I'm a Little Scared of You

Never in my entire life have I gone in early, stayed late, and worked days that I haven't needed to, and not gotten paid! The beauty of my job now, it doesn't feel like a job. I wake up every day excited, exhilarated, and energized. Those 27 little kids are so adorable. I am now called a long list of names that I turn around and answer to.
These include
Teacher
Ms.  Gough
Mrs. Gough
Ms. Goth
Ms. Golf
and
Mom
Yes, a little girl called me mom on the first day of school as she was walking out the door. It was the cutest thing.
It still doesn't feel real. I am a teacher! Every day I get to be excited to go to work. All day long I get compliments from my cute class. It does well to boost the self-esteem. A typical day includes:
Ms. Gough you are beautiful
Ms. Gough your hair is pretty
Ms. Gough I like your hair
Ms. Gough I like your hair and your face and your shirt and your pants and your shoes
and it isn't just the little girls either! My class is just adorable.
The best comment so far was on the first day of school. I was telling my kids (yes, my class has become my kids) how excited I was for the first day of school and one adorable little boy says to me, "I'm excited, but I'm a little scared of you." It took all my self-control to not laugh. Because honestly, who would be scared of me?

I am so lucky to have a job that I love. Even if I come home exhausted, every minute is worth it.

Adventure is out there!

Never in my entire life have I been so excited for the first day of school. The supplies are bought, the bulletin boards are up, and the desks are arranged (almost). But, I am getting ahead of myself.

Summer school FINALLY ended a week ago today. It was a glorious day filled with anticipation and excitement. Being done with school is a giant hurdle that I have crossed. With the exception of completing my senior capstone, I will never have to go back down to UVU again until I start getting my minor in ASL. It feels weird. I have a few friends that are just getting back from missions and just barely starting college, and I'm just ending. My hard work, dedication, and lack of social life is all paying off. Last Friday, the 2nd, my wonderful friend Amy and I packed an overnight bag, food for seven people (we only needed enough for 2), a swimsuit, and away we went. Raspberry Days was calling our names to come play in Bear Lake. After arriving we walked around the little fair set up and yes, we did indeed get raspberry shakes that were a little piece of heaven. We went down to the lake and somehow picked the muddiest spot to play in, but the mud was squishy, the air was warm, and the lake was cool. Trying to not get our pants wet was slightly difficult, but an adventure all the same. Then we went to the cabin we were staying at with my sister-in-law and her family and unpacked. We immediately changed into our swimsuits and back out to the lake we went. We found the perfect spot where the sandbar stretched out for probably a mile. The lake was cold, but refreshing all the same. When we were tired and hungry we went back to the cabin and had pigs in a blanket for dinner. We were trying to go for authentic camping food with all the luxuries of indoor plumbing. After dinner and about 10 games of Five Crowns we finally went to bed with the plan to wake up super early to see the sunrise on the lake. At 6:30 am when our eyes opened, we saw that the sunrise did not wait for us. Still, we packed a breakfast and down to the lake we went. Sitting on the lake listening to tiny waves crash along the rock lined  shore is good for the soul. Being completely at peace, not worrying about what assignment is due, when we are going to find time for everything, and saying what's next, was amazing. It was probably the most peaceful I have been in the last year. After laying out on the shore for three hours, my body was less at peace. I was sunburned to the max. My poor legs and back were not happy with me the next few days and even today is still reminding me how not smart I was that day. But it was all worth it. To simply get away from the Salt Lake Valley and take a much needed break was worth the money spent, the time taken, and the aloe vera needed.

Now to the next adventure. My classroom is almost completely put together and I could not be more excited. I never realized how much money teachers spend each year to make sure each student has an amazing experience, but I'm sure the memories made will be worth every penny spent.

BLACKJACK

It finally came and then it went. I have been so busy that I haven't time to write about turning the big 2-1. It was a good day filled with food, sun, and finding cute things for my classroom. My wonderful mother took work off and spent the day with my niece, nephew, and I. We went to lunch at Rumbi with was delicious and took it to the park to let my niece and nephew eat and play. The weather was beautiful and not too hot. After we went shopping at Dollar Tree and I found some little treasures my mom took me to pick up my car that my dad had driven to work that day. When I got in my car I realized my dad had my car completely washed, cleaned, and detailed. It smells good and looked pristine. My wonderful car is the same age as I am and deserves a little pampering too. I had hoped my car would stay in its like new condition for a little longer than 3 days, but hopefully I'll remember to just maintain it as time goes on. That night I went to dinner at the Corner Bakery and yes, I had gluten, and it was delicious. I met my three greatest friends there and we talked about life, growing up, and how delicious my noodles were. (alright maybe that last one was just me) After an amazing meal with equally amazing people I went to my sister's house where we ate ice cream and watched too many episodes of Baby Daddy on Netflix. If you haven't seen this show I would say stop! Don't do it! It is way too funny and addicting. Unless you have nothing better to do, prepare to get sucked in to the comedy.

The day went by way too quickly and I don't feel older, but here I am.

A ten and a jack

The lucky hand

Blackjack

21

Sizzle......Flash........KaBOOM!!

What better way to celebrate becoming a separate entity than by blowing stuff up! The night of the 4th we went to the West Jordan Park and watched them shoot fireworks off. It was decent but packed with people! The night of the 5th is when the real celebration began. It started off preparing supplies. Lighter-check
Fireworks-check
Snacks-check
Children at a safe distance-check

My niece and nephew were hiding in the back of their dad's truck just in case things got a little too crazy. They said this way they could crouch down if anything exploded. This safety distance didn't last long once things got started. I was a little closer to the action.

Yes, I am sitting in the trunk of my car. 1) that where the treats were 2) close to the action 3) I could pull down the trunk lid if anything got too crazy

We bought these amazing things that I am loving. They are called hula hoops and they spin on the ground and if you take off the little plastic weight off the end, they flight off into the night. It is crazy fun, but make sure you watch where they are shooting off to. You might need to duck, repeatedly.

Once the darkness finally descended, we were ready for the big ones. Trying to take pictures with an old Iphone is not the best quality but it was still cool all the same.

These little kiddos love sparklers so much. This was actually the night of the wedding but he is just so adorable I couldn't resist.

My niece was not to be left out of the action. As you can see, they got out of the back of the truck.

 

After sparklers were done, the big fireworks were pulled out and I was soon joined by my nephew in my trunk. He was very adamant that I NOT CLOSE THE LID! I promised I would not. Too soon tiny rain drops began to fall. Lucky for me, I had a built in umbrella, the trunk lid. My mom ran for an umbrella and my dad called a cease fire to stop all fireworks. Psh after waiting all day, that was not about to happen.  We were yelling for just one more to be lit off. The fuse was lit, the anticipation was building..... until..... KaBOOM! It shot off into the sky and a shower of color and sparks burst against the clouded night sky. My nephew yelled for me to push the trunk lid back so he could see. As we were being rained on, this tiny box shot off ten different colored explosions. Then, it was done but the KaBoom continued. We were in the middle of a thunderstorm. Lightning lit the sky around us and my father is not a fan of lightning. Again he yelled get in the house! and we answered with ONE MORE! Get in the house now! Light one more! And we won;) So, the fuse was lit once more and my brother in Hawaii was on the phone. My nephew yelled for him to listen to the firework as we were mesmerized by the chemical combination that exploded above our heads. Once it was done my nephew says Uncle Nic, did you see.... hear that?? Lightning once again lit the night sky around us and my father was done playing games. He said get out of that car right now before you get struck! After a little more grumbling we hopped out of the trunk and into the house. As I closed my trunk, I was extremely grateful I have a spare key to my car, as my actual keys were just locked in the trunk. As we watched the rain begin to cascade from the night sky, the taste of magic was in the air. Or was it firework residue?

Holding Out For a Hero

Sitting in the crowd, watching my brother marry his true love last night was the most amazing thing. They have known each other 22 years and have been in love with each other all this time. Her "best woman" was talking about when my brother let his now wife and her friends stay at his house in San Diego before he and Amber had seen each other after at least 12 years. Amber was telling her best friend how amazing this man was and how she had liked him ever since middle school. How amazing is that, 22 years, a marriage each, 2 children for my brother, 1 for his wife, and now, they are combined in love. My brother is special forces and this equates to a perception of toughness about him and so when he got slightly choked up reading his vows, it was the sweetest thing. I would hope to find someone whose feelings are that strong about me. So me, I'm holding out for a hero. (and yes, I listen to this song all throughout the day because I absolutely love it)

A Wedding........Not Mine

In 42 short hours my family will be setting up for my brother's wedding at Louland Falls. Its exciting and wonderful and brings tears to my mothers eyes to have her oldest son get married. My wonderful brother has two darling children who I absolutely adore and they are about to get a brother that both of them love with all their hearts. My brother met his soon to be wife in middle school. They knew each other throughout high school, but as life often happens, they went their separate ways. 16 years later they reconnected and BAM here we are. The flowers are bought, the cake is almost done, the setting up and decorating is all happening Monday. As a future elementary teacher I was put in charge of (drum roll please) the children's table. I took pictures of my brother and his fiancé and each of them with their kids and created coloring pages for the children to color. I also am creating an I Spy page that hopefully will keep the kids engaged and not asking their parents, "Is it over yet??"
While preparing for the wedding, Monday weddings are not the typical thing. And we heard over and over of how it isn't typical. One well meaning seasoned woman pointed out that no one was going to come because it is on a Monday and well, this simply wouldn't do. She told my soon to be sister in law that she simply would just have to change the day of the wedding. As taken back as my sister in law was, she calmly replied this wouldn't be possible. After the wised woman again said a Monday wedding just wouldn't do, my sister in law said the magical words that turns everyone into your biggest ally. She explained that my brother is special forces Navy and he is between training while getting ready to be deployed next year. This immediately changed this experience-ladened woman into an extraordinary help. I am so proud of my brother and for the sacrifices he has made to help this wonderful country. He is my hero. I am so touched to  be a part of their big day and hopefully the  weather won't be too hot!

A square peg will Never fit in a round hole

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, life is out of our hands. Sometimes prayers aren't answered the way we expect or hope they will, sometimes we don't get swept off of our feet, sometimes we don't look like the magazines say we should, and sometimes, we feel like what is the point.

And sometimes, I think way too much

 

Since the day we are born, we are bombarded with how life "should" be. The perfect "happily ever after" that starts with the breathtaking "once upon a time." The way we should look and how life should be, should be just like this photo shopped picture. For the most part, I think most people realize this is impossible. This dream life is just that, a dream. It is the food of daydreams, the hopes of the heart, and the fantasies of the mind. A simple conversation, a single date, a few soulful glances makes the wheels of the mind twist and turn until we have created a situation so elaborate that nothing in real life can live up to the expectations. Sometimes, it comes close, a few minutes, hours, or even a few weeks can convince the mind that the heart was right all along; that these types of situations DO happen in real life, until we wake up and our world does a complete 180 spin.

 

Then, we are back to the square peg and the round hole. No matter how hard we shove, plead, beg, bribe, or persuade- the peg isn't going into the hole. We have two choice, we can sand down the peg, soften the edges, change its shape, or we can wait until we find the square hole. 



Later Gator Procrastinator

So close to a weekend of freedom and, yet, I have no motivation whatsoever to do this assignment. Sadly it is one that I have known about for about a month and yes, its due tomorrow, and yes, I'm just getting started on it. We would have some teachers that would tell us to let our group know if we were early birds or later gators. I always like to think I am an early bird, buuuuut, this isn't the case. I mean I just find so many "good" excuses as to why this other thing is so much more important than a little paper to write. Lately my brain has be SO scattered which doesn't help at all. I seriously feel ADD the past few days. Every other moment is a squirrel moment and if someone else was in my head, they would probably get dizzy.
To calm this storm in my head, last night I went to the LDS temple to do baptisms for the dead and to feel some peace. After almost two hours of waiting, I didn't expect THAT much peace, I got some answers. And they weren't answers I expected. We all know by now that patience isn't a strength of mine. The last time I was at the temple and got the answer to my question of give it time. I thought it was applying to that situation in particular. But, last night, I discovered it wasn't.
My problem is this...... (don't laugh) I have so many friends that are married, engaged, and becoming parents already that sometimes I wonder if this is meant for me too. In our crazy society that believes the key to happiness is marrying young and fast, I feel out of place. I also feel that by the time I grasp the concept of wanting to be married, I won't know where to find someone to love me for me. Ha I know it sounds crazy but here is how I see it, I am not meeting any eligible men in my profession being a teacher, summer school doesn't really attract crowds of people, and singles wards make me not want to attend church. I know, I know its all in my head and insane way of thinking but there it is. Plain and simple. I am going to be a spinster with my wonderful friend Clarissa. And no cats are allowed in our tiny spinster cottage.

One of Those Days

Today has been one of those days. Not bad necessarily, but not exactly one for the record books to take account of. After finishing an assignment that took way longer than it ever should have I scrubbed my bathroom and got ready for work. Before work I went and got gas for my car (Cindy was too close to empty for my comfort) and then went to Target. Sometimes I feel like I should be banned from Target, but inside I went. I purchased some wonderful ibuprofen and saw the chocolate sitting there. In my head, a voice said, "Get some, you are going to need it." and you know what. . .  It was right. Arriving at work, I found co-workers whose day had not been filled with happiness and joy. So, out came the chocolate and the sharing began. At the end of the day I had one co-worker whose day had just been, -sigh- one of THOSE days. I said what could I do to make you feel better? Do the running man across the lobby? And of course this was his choice even though I was partly kidding about ACTUALLY doing it. Thank goodness the lobby was closed for the day. After testing out if the carpet or the tile would work better, away I went. I have been told I do quite the impressive running man. To my enjoyment my co-worker started laughing and my other co-worker asked what in the world was going on. And when she saw, her laugher joined with his. They both said my dancing skills were quite impressive and I said ha No they aren't. But that wasn't the point, to show my dancing skills. The entire point was to brighten someone's day and make them laugh.
Mission Accomplished.
The point of this post?? It is this, my friends mean a lot to me. And their happiness plays a role in my happiness. If it takes me making a fool out of myself and doing the running man to get them to smile and add a little joy to their day, so be it.

Also, I have been told I give some AMAZING pep talks. If you are in need of one, just let me know. I have the ability to see things in others that they can't see themselves. Maybe because I would much rather focus on other people's problems than my own, but either way, you too can have some compliments coming your way. All you need to do is ask.

A Rose by Any Other Name Would Still Smell as Sweet

Life--- It's tough.
No one tells you when you are little to take advantage of the simple things. We are so focused on growing up, being adult, being able to do all the things our parents won't let us do. I think we forget to tell children to be children. I think we also don't realize how much they can teach us. Their innocence, playful attitude, and ability to be constantly happy is something I hope to incorporate into my life more.
No, I don't want to act like a child (though I probably do sometimes) but I want to embrace each day as a gift. I want to find the sunshine in the dark room, the quarter stuck between the couch cushions, and the last skittle in the bag when you think it is empty.

I am blessed. Immensely. I have some of the most amazing friends a girl (or anyone) could ask for. I wish there was a word that meant more than a friend, but I'm stuck at what it would be. We say the word best friend, yet I have quite a few of them. They have qualities that set them above most and I have been blessed to surround myself with extraordinary people. I have friends who see through the mask of happiness. I know these people genuinely care about me and my happiness. I hope they know I care about them too. With having moved as much as I have, I can say I have had a lot of friends, yet not a lot of friends that have stuck around for years. Usually for the duration of a couple years, or however long I live in one location, that is how long I have a certain set of friends. When I hear people talk about friends they have had since elementary school, it blows my mind a little bit. I become a little envious that they know this one person inside and out, completely, and they have stuck by each other for over a decade. That type of friendship is rare and should be cherished. Since graduating high school, the number of people I still keep in contact with could be counted on one hand. Some might say this is sad, but I realize this is the longest I have had a friend and I see it as an achievement. To be able to say I have known this person for 5 years and to say they have put up with me is amazing. The people I have met and the people that have come into my life points to there being something more out there. No, I won't get all religious on you, but I know for a fact that these people were sent to cross paths with me for a reason.

Qualities of my best friends that I adore:
They make me laugh, even when I don't want to
When I say I need a break from homework they immediately say where are we meeting?
They text me out of the blue
They dig deeper when my flippant answer isn't good enough
They see through the façade
They challenge me and push me to be better
They are my biggest supporters
They know exactly what to say to make me feel better
They give AMAZING hugs
Silence is never awkward
They dish out compliments like a buffet
They put up with my rantings
I know they love me by the small acts of kindness they perform
They have transformed from friends into family

That white powder on my porch, I promise, it's not drugs

A week of eating gluten free and I'm still alive! At first it was such a challenge, but everyone has been such a ginormous support. My lovely, wonderful, caring, beautiful, talented mother works at Honeyville Grains. This is an immense blessing in my life. She has access to so many different grains that are all GLUTEN FREE! Unfortunately these grains come in 50lb bags that we put into buckets for easier transportation. This creates a huge mess and is best done outside so that the flour doesn't get into the carpet. So, no, that white powder all over my porch is not drugs. Though my mother wonders if our neighbors think we might be. I said if we had enough drugs to spill that much and not care, we wouldn't be living in this neighborhood, oh wait, unless we're really bad drug dealers and spill it everywhere, then yes, we would be living here.

Today I was able to cook with tapioca starch, rice flour, and corn starch to create an UN-flour and make BISCUITS! I wasn't sure how they would turn out. When making things that are gluten free you need a key ingredient called xanthan gum. This creates the same type of reaction that gluten does to create volume and viscosity in your baking. Thankfully I had acquired some of this Saturday and away we went. Add a little bit of this, pinch of that, and a smidge of love (and desperation). After the mixing was done, the dough smelled good and that was a great sign! Raise for 20 minutes, bake for 20 minutes and TA-DA. I pulled them out of the oven and they were golden brown, smelling delicious, and as I flipped them over, one went skidding across the counter. Don't worry, he didn't escape. I cracked one open as the steam escaped its golden shell. Spread a little butter, take a breath, and take a bite.

Oh my goodness gracious. It was delicious! My sister was standing right there watching me going, WELL?? Can I have one? She took one for herself, took a bite and had the same reaction I had. These are amazing! My entire family really liked them which is amazing for me! I have access to bread now! I can make SANDWICHES!! I love sandwiches by the way.

This is such an affirmation to me that I can succeed at this and still eat delicious food while eating gluten free. Gluten free can be an expensive way to live, but all these little tricks I'm learning,

I will survive, you can bet on it.

Pretzels, Bagels, Toast, Salad Dressing--Gone

Day 2 of not eating gluten.
 I've had some symptoms lately that may be caused by gluten intolerance so, with the aid of my wonderful mother, I am trying out gluten free eating. It is so much harder than you think. Those out there who are gluten intolerant, my hat is off to you. There are so many times a day that I think, "Ooo this sounds good. Nope it has gluten in it." I know there are so many options out there for gluten free food, but this little lady has been so busy that I haven't tried to make any gluten free recipes. Most of the time its look in the fridge, look in the pantry, alright, watermelon it is. This diet is helping me eat a lot more fruits and vegetables which is good, but being only day 2, I am kind of hungry. I am really hoping going gluten free with dissipate the symptoms I am having, but at the same time, I am kind of hoping not to be gluten intolerant because lets face it, it would be easier. I have some wonderful friends who have developed gluten intolerance who have been amazing with advice. I again am amazed at the people I am surrounded by and am so grateful for them.
 As I go throughout my day I will all of a sudden think of a food and hurry to look it up and see if it is gluten free. Thank goodness for google.

But, on an off topic, Why have I been so busy? Well let me outline yesterday for you and you'll see.
6 am- wake up to get ready for school
7am- leave for school to catch the train
9am arrive at school
9-12:40- class
12:40-3 my elementary school to help with end of year things
3:15- home for 2.5seconds to get some lunch
4-7:15 work
7:30-7:45 get papers together
7:45 leave for Farmington to give a Math and Literacy Lesson to a wonderful future nephew
11pm- FINALLY home
I was exhausted but am so grateful to have gotten all of that done. I should have done my final project for my differentiation class last night but hey, that is what the train ride this morning was for right?

Patience of a Bomb

Patience, it is NOT one of my strengths. Which you may wonder why in the world I am going into teaching then if I have no patience. It is the strangest thing, I have little patience for most things, but with children, I have all the patience in the world. Weird, I know. Don't ask me to explain it because if I knew why, I would change it so I could have patience with everyone. My entire family and most of my friends know this is something I struggle with everyday. I once had a friend ask me if I was praying for more patience and to that I replied, "Nope. I got tired of being presented with opportunities everyday to show patience and everyday, I would fail. I stopped praying for patience because I didn't want any more opportunities to fail." Sad I know, but the truth.
The past couple days, I have been in a situation that deals strictly with patience, and it is KILLING me. At least once an hour, this situation comes to mind and it is followed with the thought have patience. And that is followed with ugh. I hate patience. When discussing this situation with my sister I got to the part of the story where I said this would help me develop patience and that was met with laughter and uh oh. Its crazy how well she knows me.
All my life I have heard that good things take time and are worth waiting for. I believe in my heart that this is a good thing, so I'll wait. It will be a struggle everyday, but I really hope it will be worth it. I believe myself to be a logical smart person. I don't rush into things and I take the time to think things through. So, if my head and heart believe this is what is right, and good, then I will use every single ounce of self-control I posses (this is a lot actually) and be patient. I will immerse myself in a book that won't really soak in just to give my mind something else to think about.

The bad parts about being Me:

Daydreaming

Overthinking

Overanalyzing

Worrying

Questioning

Thinking about 40 bijillion things at once

Not being able to turn your brain off

Daydreaming

Addiction to chocolate

Addiction to pretzel goldfish

Obsession with socks

Addiction to blankets

Daydreaming

Slight ADD mixed with OCD

and

Caring too much

 

But, I'm all I've got and that is good enough.

 As my sister says,

 It is better than good. It is good enough.

 

BUT: (I know, this has more buts than usual, and don't take that the wrong way;))

When thinking about my predicament, my new favorite song comes to mind which is

Brave by Sara Bareilles. Through it all I think of the lyrics "I want to see you be brave" It is going to take me being brave to believe my patience will pay off in the end and I have to be brave to not be in control every second of every day.

Sigh....



 

The Five People You Meet in Heaven

This is a book by Mitch Albom. He also wrote Tuesday's with Morrie. This book was lent to me by a friend today at noon today and I just finished it. And it was amazing. I started reading it on the train ride home and when feeling car sick reluctantly put it away. As I arrived home once again, the pages opened and I was pulled in. My entire life I have loved books. The feeling of the pages between my fingers, carefully opening them so as to not bend the spine. The look of a brand new cover, and the feeling of an adventure waiting to happen. When growing up, I would wake up on Saturday mornings, grab a blanket, and head to the corner of the couch that overlooked the window which held a picturesque view of the park or as I liked to call it,  my front yard. This was how many years passed. I found a love of reading that became an obsession. Anything I could get my hands on was an opportunity to travel to another world and get lost in it. Not only do I love to read, but I read fast. My mom used to hide my books because she felt I was reading too fast and not enjoying the book to the fullest of its potential. I disagreed and would hunt until my precious book was discovered. Today, nothing has changed.
Being in college and in a program that is very work intensive is not conducive to my love of books, but I have still found time for it. My room has overflowing book cases and when surrounded by their pages, my heart is at home. When reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven, I wondered about my own life. This book is about a man who passes away and in heaven, he meets 5 people that have impacted his life and he finds how he impacted them. This book reiterates my belief that everything happens for a reason and people are meant to be in our lives. Reading how small meaningless acts completely alter someone else's life, I again self reflected and wondered who I have touched and who has affected me in some ways I never could have imagined. As people come to mind who have changed my life, I am so blessed to see that my life is what it is because of certain people. This journey has been a hectic crazy one, but I wouldn't change a single day of it.

4 hours is too long for ANYONE

Last semester of school.
38 class days till graduation.
My own class in 3 months.
I can get through this.

Hopefully

 

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I arrive at UVU to sit in a hard plastic chair for four, yes 4, long hours. Now, if you know me at all, I get restless after about 20 minutes so requiring me to sit in the same seat for 240 minutes is just plain torture. This equates to me folding paper hearts, paper balloons, and a paper frog that jumps. I am paying attention, well for the most part, but I try. Effort is what counts right? As I head off to class I hear the words, "Don't fall asleep in class." As usual, my response to this is I make no promises. Learning to be a teacher is hard work. I don't think a lot of people realize how many classes, hours, tears, sweat, effort, go into finally achieving our dream. Its close! So close! but oh how the road twists and turns to get there. BUT you can bet that when the day comes that my teaching certificate is framed in my home office, it'll be worth every minute spent analyzing how many more seconds until class is out. 



Life is. . . mAgNiFiCeNt

Lately, I feel like I have won the lottery. I usually don't condone much to luck, but that is the best way to describe it. I have been just plain lucky. Now don't get me wrong, I believe everything happens for a reason and right now I am being cascaded with blessings. It's amazing how much people comment on your attitude when you can't wipe a smile off of your face (nor do I want it gone) but lately, even through the menial tasks, life is grand.
One word I have always loved is serendipity.

Serendipity means 1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident
                               2. good fortune, luck
And currently, life has a certain serendipatiousness about it.

Music is a giant part of my life. I start my day with it, listen to it as I go to school, on my way home from school, at work, and while getting ready for bed. I tend to find music that describes my mood about life and listen to it constantly. Currently, the playlist of my life includes:
Sara Barielles: Brave
Carlos Bertonatti: Smile
Shane Harper: Dancing in the Rain
Olly Murs: Dance with me Tonight & Don't Say Goodnight Yet
Andrew Allen: Loving You Tonight & Sooner

Being a Life Long Learner

I ride front runner every day. It is much better than the bus.
It:
smells better
more room
faster
more room between you and creepy people
you meet AMAZING people on it

Today was interesting. I was on the bus over to the train station and a guy asked me how to spell hoodie. Being a future teacher I told him how and then wondered 'Crap was that the right way to spell it?' But anyway, we arrive at the front runner station and he asks if he can interview me. He is in the ESL program at UVU and had to interview someone in English to see what they knew about his country. He asked what country I thought he was from and he said his country was in a movie. He said it was a little while ago and it was a kids movie. My brain instantly thought Cool Runnings (one of my alllll time favorites) and said Jamaica but this was incorrect. He then said it started with an 'M' and then -lightbulb- Madagascar.

So today I learned a lot about Madagascar:
it has a population of 20 million
2/3 of the country is Christian
they eat rice with every meal
lemurs are EVERYWHERE
it is just like the movie (without the "New York Giants")
they speak Malagasy and French

I also learned I'd like to visit it one day

You mean you're just a. . . girl?

I absolutely love little kids. At the elementary school I will be teaching at, I have been volunteering with their kindergarteners who will be MY future students. They say the cutest things. When I was there last they asked
"Do you have any daughters?"
"No, I'm not a mom yet"
"You don't have any sons either"
"No"
"You mean, you're just a . . . . girl?"
"Hahah Yup, I am just a girl"

It made me realize how much my students will be watching me. I realized how much I people watch throughout the day and like most others, I make assumptions about what I see. What kind of image do I want to be projecting for my students to learn from. I am spending 6 hours a day with these kids and will be helping shape their futures. Its a little scary to think about. I look at my notes I take for classes that are covered in animal drawings and full of different colors. I look at how I dress, my car, my room, and I wonder what a complete stranger would think. Right now, here is what they would think:
This girl loves candy
and pretzel goldfish
Her car is extremely clean (they caught me on a good day)
and who are these adorable little kids that look nothing like her in all these picture frames (niece and nephews)


I wonder if we would change anything if we could see ourselves through the eyes of a stranger for a day, a few hours, a few minutes.

Me? A teacher? Why Not!

Life was so easy in the beginning.

How many more minutes can I stay up?
What time do I have to be home?
Is mac&cheese for dinner?

But as we get older, these questions change.

What do I want to be when I grow up?
What classes should I take?
Who is going to ask me to the dance?
What time do I have to be home? (this applies throughout life)

And then, once again, the questions change.

What do I do about a job?
What do I want to do for the rest of my life?
What will be the coolest job to have?
How much money to I need to make to support myself?
Will I be happy doing this?

The journey to where I am today began in a little tiny farm town outside of Logan, Utah. From there it jumped from city to city and I began to find out who I am. Growing up I had dreams as all little kids do. At first I wanted to be a singer until I realized I had stage fright and that was out of the picture. Then I wanted to be a chef until I watched one too many cooking shows and realized I didn't like being yelled at and that's all that happened to chefs. So once again, back to square one.
Then, that's right, now comes the climax, on the edge of your seats waiting for the epiphany that got me sitting on my bed writing this. I had always babysat and was good at it, or at least the kids always liked me coming so I took that as a sign of accomplishment. My junior year of high school I took an internship class because of the draw of getting out of school an entire period early. I didn't know what to do so I decided to go to an elementary school and then BAM, IT happened. I found my calling. Grading papers? Amazing. Making copies? So fun. New school supplies? I am in HEAVEN.

And here we are. Sitting on my bed just 3 extremely short months away from walking into my very own classroom and being in charge of the intellectual growth of 22 young minds. Am I excited? You better believe it. A little anxious? Just a tad. BUT with my classroom theme being the safari, I am so ready for this adventure.